Losing Lily

Most people have already heard from my post on Facebook. We took Lily for her MRI yesterday afternoon, and the news isn’t good. She has a tumor, a big one, in the left side of her brain. It’s been there for quite a while, and it explains all the issues with her right side (the weakness, the sight problems, the clumsiness). I should find out today what type of tumor it is (carcinoma or papilloma), and whether surgery could help her recover. However, even if surgery IS an option, I’m really not hopeful that we can afford it. I asked the doctor about medication, and she is going to take a dose of prednisone (steroid) and prilosec, to help with the fluid and the swelling. That should help a little bit, but even with the medication, the tumor is so big that the neurologist said she has at most a few weeks, maybe months left. So basically, she’ll probably be gone by Christmas, if not earlier.

I’m so devastated, I don’t even know how to describe my feelings fully. We had a really awful night last night, and today my eyes look like I have hay fever. I was in the waiting room with Ben, while we waited for them to retrieve Lily from the MRI… and he spotted a magazine with a yellow lab and two kids on the cover. He ran over and said “look Mama, it’s Lily! That’s my doggie! I want my doggie!” and it took all I had not to collapse and lose it in the clinic. I’m happy he will remember her, but it makes it so much harder knowing he will miss her, too.

I held it together until Joe got home, but this is so, so hard. She has been a part of my family for 8 years… travelled with me all over, and given our whole family such wonderful joy. We all love her so much… our house and my heart are going to feel so empty.

We have already decided to make her last few weeks as fun as possible… spoil her rotten, basically. I’m hoping she makes it to our trip to New York for Columbus Day weekend, as she loves, loves it up there, roaming free and swimming.

It’s just going to be so very, very hard to tell her goodbye.

I love you, Lily Bean.

If anyone has any tips or advice on dealing with grief over losing a pet… I’m all ears.